Ifrith Islam
Shirin, a mother of three adult sons and daughters, was pregnant when she was not expected to be. She was quite unhappy in her conjugal life. She was pessimistic and indecisive about her marriage. She disliked her torturer husband very much. In such state of their relations she had accidentally conceived, apparently re-wielding their broken relations. She was not only shy to her elder son who was 14 years junior to her but also to other sons and daughters. One afternoon, at the fag end of her pregnancy, she started for her father’s home which was 100 miles away from her husband’s home. Hundred miles is a long way. Her brother-in-law, Romel, booked a seat beside hers. He was sympathetic to her. His one was aisle seat and hers a window seat. He was escorting her to village home. Romel was a university student then. During the journey the woman by him looked very unhappy that the he gave her accompaniment and tried to sooth and pacify his sister-in-law, who recently quarreled with his brother. I, as a fellow passenger also a classmate of Romel at Dhaka University, happened to travel on the same, went on hearing all about the unhappy marriage and I didn’t know the man and became sympathised with the poor woman. She told me about her past life on the whole journey. She was very nice women but when I heard about her I was just shocked and astounded when she started unfolding her sorrowful stories. While telling the tales I was deeply moved. I could not but hide my tears rolling down my face as she went on telling how faced the sea of troubles all through her life. Romel too was crying. Me too could feel her pains deeply as she suffered. I felt a sort of sympathy for her as she continued telling her child’s birth, education, rearing, marriage and what not. She was speaking in a emotion-choked voice. I reached my destination but time and again I kept contact with Romel and the family.
Hapless Shirin gave birth to Rose – the fourth children. Romel was very happy at the news of her birth. Mentally they were separated long before but the birth of a daughter forced them live together under the same roof. But his unhappy brother and sister-in-law couldn’t but end their relationship when Rose was eight. The marriage collapsed. All these eight years the little girl saw how her father used to beat her mother and often engaged in quarrel. When her parents divorced she was deeply shocked and moved up by the incident. By then her uncle left the university and got a Class I job and also got married. The couple used to live nearby Rose’s house and often visited them. One day when he happened to be in a scuffle and intervened between their quarreling brother and bhabi. Romel always tried to settle their dispute but in most cases failed. Finally they got divorced and both of them chose their life partners. And none of the parents was ready to take charge of little Rose.
As Romel loved Rose deeply he offered his sister-in-law to take the charge of the little girl. She started living with her uncle who did not have any child and her poor brothers and sister were yet to settle in life. He was very kind and as good as a father should be. Aunt was very kind during her early years of life but when she started going to high school, she started facing maltreatment from her aunt whom she called ‘mom’. Her aunt used to tell her to do household chores when twelve-year-old Rose was supposed to study hard for her exams. She was very interested in studying. Aunt grew impatient about her as she passed her time either drawing or reading books or watching television. Most of the time her aunt scolded her if she didn’t do what she asked to. But her aunt never rebuked her so badly in presence of her uncle. Whenever Rose’s uncle went out to work, she went very tough on her though she again and again tried to adjust with her aunt. All these she tolerated without raising protest. Though her uncle used to asked her that if there was any problem or she never reported nothing to him. He loved Rose as his daughter. At the age of twelve her uncle realized that she was needed to transfer somewhere else, because he observed that she ate a little but worked a lot. She looks feeble, feels shaky and often sad. Her uncle guessed the reasons behind this.
So, he was planning what to do with her. He once considered sending her to an orphanage, sometimes he thought of handing her over to Rose’s elder brother who earns barely enough to keep body and soul together. He went on thinking anxiously about the impact of her aunt’s misbehavior on Rose. The ill-treatment reminded him of his research works when he studied in Psychology in university life. As a psychologist, though not professional, he could understand what Rose feels at his house. He tried to mend the broken relations between his wife and Rose but failed. He could clearly recollect what happens to girl child of a separated parent as he studied human behaviour in such case. He remembers the text on the impact of divorce on children, ‘Most children tend to view divorce as a process wherein they lose one parent. Therefore, there is always a fear that the custodial parent might leave them as well. It is not uncommon for children to feel that they are to be blamed for the divorce. They tend to think that they must have done something wrong or hurtful due to which their parents have taken such a decision. Therefore, in their innocent attempt to improve the situation, they try to be at their best behaviour hoping that doing so will change their parents’ minds’.
Romel once said to her father that Rose is very innocent and she does not understand the complicated nature of your tainted relationships. Therefore, it is very common for her to try to get you together. She repeatedly resorted to all sorts of techniques and tactics in order to keep you together. Rose’s father acknowledged her effort to save their marriage from collapsing but all went in vain as both of them couldn’t bear the presence of each other. So she had the feelings of anxiety are also very common amongst children going through a divorce. All of a sudden, her life ceases to be what it was. She tended to feel anxious about the future living arrangements and this could affect her mental and physical well-being.
Rose’s uncle still remembers some researches which made astonishing claim that most of the American marriages end in divorce. This has created an enormous effect on children in their lakhs each year. Once when she looked ill uncle took her to a psychiatrist who said in fact hostility within her family has a stronger influence on Rose than does family structure. Furthermore, the parental conflict has been found to have a negative impact on her and adult’s self-esteem, educational attainment, parent-child relationships, courtship and marriage experiences, and psychological adjustment. The psychiatrist also told her uncle that Rose suffered damaging and disadvantageous impact of the quarrel and hostility among her parents.
While some of his friends argue that divorce does not at all implies negative effects on children, it is such an essential and critical concern that should be talked about since most children of divorce illustrate an undesirable outcomes on their life but Romel disagrees with his university friends. He thinks living without parents is very harmful to the personality of children.
However Rose moved from her uncle’s house and stayed for sometime with her elder brother’s house till she was eighteen. In this span of life she also faced hostilities from her sister-in-law. She suffered a lot. Taking a lot of pain she appeared at exam and passed intermediate. Later she got admitted in Dhaka University and studied Psychology. During her university life stayed with her sister who remained bachelor for life but even with her she couldn’t adjust. There was personality clash between them. Later she qualified Bangladesh Civil Service examinations. In spite of having a secured job with the government she was always remained a bit shaky, sometimes puzzled as her painful childhood memories used to irritate her inwardly. Personally being a psychologist she could rewind her sound make-up of her mind which was deeply affected in the early stages of his life. Inhospitality of her aunt, sister-in-law, the personality clash between she and her sister shaped up her mentality so deeply that even as a high official at the fag end of her career her batch mates used call her Miss Panicked.